Oh my god i just want to pick up a gun and shoot myself in the head but no, I’m not strong enough for that. Can’t do that to my family, can I?

God i am a fucking failure. Roman’s dead cause of me. If I was dead they could be alive.

You all would have been so much better off not meeting me. You wouldn’t have lost a friend that way.

If someone says I’m guilt tripping I will go fucking mental. This is all my 1 AM thoughts just pouring out onto this app because I’m on vacation and given unlimited device access.

My partner broke up with me. Roman’s dead and the date of their death is coming closer and closer, and god fucking damnit I’m the reason they’re dead.

Why can’t someone just shoot me? It’d save me the trouble.

I’m looking through my old posts, reading how many people I hurt. Fuck it I should just die.

If my partner told me to go jump and they’d come back with me, god damn it I would jump in a New York minute.

Let’s tick off a list: People Cameron has hurt.

Gray. Roman. Mel. Vi. Aster. Rae. Carter. Finn. My partner. Ness. Lime. Wolfy.

I deserve nothing more than death. Don’t deny it. This shit is true.

More people I hurt: Sia, Elena.

I’m about to punch myself in the face because I’m on vacation, don’t have a knife on hand, and am worried about drawing blood anyway. Besides i want to stay clean.

Oh, I hurt Loki too.

I want to literally punch myself all over my body, so much that I leave bruises. It’s less than what I deserve. I deserve death because I am the reason Roman is dead and I will never forgive myself.

Roman loved me at a point, okay? Even though they were a few years older. They didn’t know that. I didn’t share my age.

I cannot fucking deal with this. Oh my god. Someone who loved me is dead, and I, in a sense, am the reason.

I hurt Eliza.

I hurt so many people.

Oh, and I still cough blood. That shit hasn’t changed one bit. I should get that checked out. Or maybe just let it be until I die or something.

For the love of Zeus, Odin, and literally any other mythological deity ever I want to kill myself.

WHOA WHOA WHOA CAM- SLOW TF DOWN. you are not the reason that roman- that roman isnt here. it was not your fault. if they loved you, and

if you died, than both of you wouldnt be here. cam, i am so so so glad that i met you. i wouldnt change that for anything. you did not hurt

@✎ʀɛաʀɨȶɛ ʏօʊʀ ʟɨʄɛ✎ anyone. you DESERVE A GOOD LIFE. all this shit ypuve been thru- at that age- that takes a really strong mother

@✎ʀɛաʀɨȶɛ ʏօʊʀ ʟɨʄɛ✎ fucking person to be here. so i dont give a fuck about if you want to go kys, YOU BETTER FIGHT TO YOU LAST BREATH

@✎ʀɛաʀɨȶɛ ʏօʊʀ ʟɨʄɛ✎ YOU HEAR ME? I WANNA GET A TEXT OR SMTH FROM YOU IN 60 YRS JUST SAY THAT YOU ARE HERE. DAMMIT, YOU DESERVE LIFE-

@✎ʀɛաʀɨȶɛ ʏօʊʀ ʟɨʄɛ✎ YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A FULL AND HAPPY LIFE. YOU GOT THIS FAR ALREADY.

so please, please, for the love of Zeus and Odin and any other deity out there, dont do it. please.

also you really ought to get that coughing up blood checked out. god, cam- you better not die too.

Please...we love you, I don't know what you think but I know you didn't hurt me. I love you so much! If you leave us I don't know what I would do. Please come back

Ik you probably are used to all that it gets better shit, but trust me, it does. This last school year I was at the worst I've ever been, but just take it one day at a time, and know that for this one

Small moment in all of time, we all love you so much